I'm well aware that this post is long overdue. I'm now almost approaching my fourth month of pregnancy and if I'm honest, I wish it would slow down. I feel like time is running away with me and I have so much to plan and organise I am becoming a right little stressy bessy.
My first trimester was horrendous. I've never been so sick in my whole life. The whole experience really did get me down and if I'm truly honest ruined my whole experience of being pregnant. I resented the little bean growing inside me and I just couldn't bond or be happy about anything. My situation with the beans father (and family) didn't help either - and having to stop all my Fibro meds, including my anti-anxiety tablets - and their behaviour and attitude towards me and the bean really got me down and I became quite withdrawn. I began to feel quite anxious about leaving the house or seeing any of my friends. Thankfully I haven't heard from them for a while and I am now preparing a little life for me and the bean - without their poisonous, negative influence. I am preparing for life as a single mother.
Week by week my symptoms seemed to vary. One week I would have severe headaches and then the next week I would have awful heartburn - all the while suffering from debilitating nausea.
At my 12 weeks scan I was petrified there was going to be two little beans in there - I was convinced, because my symptoms where so extreme. Thankfully there was only one little heartbeat and one little baby growing inside me. I was so overwhelmed I cried. It finally hit me and I finally felt a bond, an unbreakable connection between me and my baby.
The sickness, the heartburn even the constipation have all been worth it so far. To know my baby is health and happy and growing so quickly is a comfort in itself. The confirmation that you are doing it right and you are creating a wonderful little life is enough to wave goodbye to those horrible symptoms.
Sure nausea is never pleasant and I'm still suffering a little bit but I no longer have a feeling of resentment, I no longer feel detached and I no longer want to cry myself to sleep with fear of what's to come.
I'm now a mother.